Competent to Counsel - Ch 8

This was a really long chapter, 64 pages to be exact, and I read most of it last night. This chapter should have been divided into two: one on problem-solving and one on child rearing.

Summary

In the beginning, God gave man dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:28), but when he sinned, "the earth gained dominion over man."(Adams, p. 128) That is in essence man's problem. And ever since, man has often chosen to adapt to sin rather than deal with it, but this is not biblical.

The four methods of meeting problems as described by Adams(p. 130) are:

1) going around them: avoiding them

2) going aside/passing them: allowing them to deflect your initial course

3) going back or away from it: saying it can't be done

4) going through them: solving them biblically

Can't is not an option for Christians because God says you can, that your problem is not unique, and that He will give you the strength you lack, maybe not until you try to step forward to conquer th problem.(1 Corinthians 10:13) It is helpful for a sinner to know others have undergone similar trials and that their problem is not unique--this gives them hope, and hope is one of the greatest things a counselor can offer to someone in misery.

Also its important not to make light of or minimize a counselee's negative estimate of himself. The fact that he/she has a negative estimate of themselves shows that they take that seriously. By asking questions and exploring their responses more deeply, the counselor can help the person feel safe to open up and get to the source, which may be sin that needs to be dealt with. The counselee must learn to put aside old patterns and replace them with new ones that are biblical, so as to avoid the downward spiral of sinful behavior. The downward spiral starts out with some problem, which is acted upon with a sinful response, and then another complicating problem, followed by another sinful response, and so on.

There are three dimensions of problems(Adams, p. 148):
1) Presentation problems: "I'm depressed."
2) Performance problems: "I can't get out of bed in the morning."
3) Preconditioning problems: "I just want to crawl into a hole and avoid people when life gets hard." (This is the true underlying cause of the presentation and performance problems, and is the habitual response pattern which must be broken.)
When faced with a presentation problem, the counselor should take a performance inventory(Adams, p. 149). If the counselee says, "I'm tired a lot," the counselor should follow up with, "How much sleep did you get?" "Oh about 6 hours a night." By asking additional questions, one can find out the underlying cause, and see if the counselee is programmed or preconditioned to respond in sinful ways to the problems in life. "What have you been doing when you should have been sleeping?" A performance problem is just one example of an underlying disposition to handle problems the wrong way.

It may be useful to go into details on the counselee's past for various reasons. One is to find additional examples of bad preconditioned response patterns. The second reason is to discover past sins that may have never been repented of or dealth with. There may be sins in the past for example that may still have an effect on the present, and that may be destroying the counselee, this sins are not really past therefore, but are present(2 Corinthians 12:21), and restitution may be in order.(Proverbs 6:31, Matthew 3:8, Acts 26:20, Luke 19:8)

The author goes on further to exhort us to dicipline(training) in holiness, and that that comes from suffering. That while the discipline is unpleasant, God disciplines those He loves and its for our own good.(Deuteronomy 8:5, Proverbs 3:11-12) "The truth is that morality is not opposed to pleasure but to the abuse of pleasure. Morality simply demands pleasure on the log term (GOd's terms) rather than on impulse.....Bibilical structure tends to bring more deep-seated pleasure and to foster longer, healthier lives."(Adams, p. 160) Our earthly fathers will try to discipline us as best they can and with our own goods in mind, but their efforts are imperfect at best, but the Lord's discipline is perfect. And its through discipline that we are training ourselves to obey God. True peace comes when we are subjecting ourselves to God's authority, because He knows what is best for us, He's the one that made us.

Nouthetic counseling isn't only concerned with the primary issues the counselee brings up, but also with the secondary or associated problems, etc. Nouthetic counseling "is concerned about total structuring."(Adams, p. 175)

One of the best ways to impress principles upon others is by example or modeling. This is entirely biblical. (Philippians 4:9, 1 Peter 3:1-2)

Also the counselor's own attitude is very important. He must be in his best mental state when he counsels in order to do so effectively.(Adams, p. 183)

The section on raising children emphasizes the important factors of discipline being: clarity, consistency, regularity, enforcibility and fairness.(Adams, p. 190) A code of conduct is recommended to be drawn up so that consequences for disobedience are clearly outlined. If the child knows the consequences ahead of time, they are more likely to try to avoid them, and it makes them happier to obey if the limits are clearly defined. Hence the parent is teaching them biblical response patterns in obeying the authority that God has placed over them.

Personal reflection
This chapter was long but good. This is the second time I've heard about training oneself in discipline and righteousness this week. (I better pay attention!) The first time was yesterday in my coaching class. Yes it is important to train and develop obedience. If you have a habit of obedience, it becomes your programming and your natural response pattern. Once you have a healthy response pattern, you can learn to glorify God in any circumstance. I would like to grow in discipline. I consider myself more of a "free-spirit" in the sense that things just happen and I go with the flow, which sometimes means I freak out when the unexpected happens. This isn't God's will for His people. He wants us to trust in Him and seek Him in the storm. I think setting more time aside to meditate on God's word will help, and also looking for ways to apply principles that I've learned.

Scripture

Deuteronomy 8:5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

Proverbs 3:11-12 11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father [a] the son he delights in.

Proverbs 6:31 The thief, when he is caught, must restore sevenfold; he must give all the substance of his house...

Matthew 3:8 8Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.

Luke 19:8 8But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount."

Acts 26:20 20First to those in Damascus, then to those in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and to the Gentiles also, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds.

1 Corinthians 10:13 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
2 Corinthians 12:21 21I am afraid that when I come again my God will humble me before you, and I will be grieved over many who have sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they have indulged.

Philippians 4:9 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

1 Peter 3:1-2 1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Adams, J.E. (1970). Competent to Counsel. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.